Self Worth and Self Esteem: How they are not the same and which to prioritize?

For as long as I can remember I have always been a very confident person, full of high self-esteem.


Now in my thirties, I am incredibly surprised to realize how low my self-worth is.


What is the difference?

• Self-worth is based on internal beliefs, such as the internal sense of being good enough and worthy of love and belonging.
  
• Self-Esteem relies on external factors such as successes, social standings and achievements to define worth.

Self-Esteem connects us to the external world, while... Self-Worth connects us to our internal world. 

But why is Self-Esteem so much more popular than Self-Worth?

And why are we led to believe that we can use the two words interchangeably?

Media, marketing and capitalism have a lot to do with it.

And Self-Esteem is easier to teach because we can see the A+'s in our report cards. We can use the money we earn. We can touch the certificates we receive.  We can hear the applause we get. 

Similar to the dopamine rush we get from a sugar-filled cookie, Self-Esteem is immediately felt (and the addiction is real).  And just as quickly as we feel the high highs, we also feel the deep abyss of the low when we are met with a failure or an unmet goal.


Self-Worth, however, is invisible. It is unwavering. Even-keel. It is like exercising over and over again knowing you won't see the fruits of your labor until weeks, months or even years from when you started your work. It is steady. It is consistent. It trusts in the invisible work.  It is what secures us in the Knowing of our unconditional good-ness.

So, of course it's not "market"-friendly. The returns are simply not quick enough. Yet, just like exercise and a healthy diet,  Self-Worth is integral for our emotional and mental health.

Self-worth is what we need to catch us when we fall or fail; or when people don’t applaud; or when we don’t have enough money in our bank accounts; or when we experience a break up; or when we disappoint others... the list is endless.

Self-worth is the foundation upon which our life stands, yet most of us, including myself, have spent little to no time building it.

This is why we never feel fully satisfied and are always looking for the next best thing, or goal or project. And then we wonder why our ceilings and walls collapse when they inevitably do.

Self-Esteem outsources our power to every one and every thing outside of us.

Self-Worth brings us back home.

It is not that we need to choose one or the other. They are both important.

The concerning fact is that society has capitalized on our humanity's Self-Esteem, leaving our Self-Worth bucket close to empty.

This is something we get strategically disconnected from since our childhood. 

I hope this shifts something in you as it did in me when I started this work.

And I am thrilled and blessed to share my findings with you throughout the next few weeks.