|
I own a dance company of which I manage several locations, instructors and students. The other day, I had a very upset and frightened mother call me. She said “Amna, I am so livid. I just came to pick up my daughter from dance class and she was outside all alone and your studio was locked. All the instructors had left. I am so scared thinking of all the horrible things that could have happened to her.” As she said this, I could hear her voice trembling while she tried to push away her tears.
I am a mother. How could I not relate? My stomach was in knots. I messed up. I royally messed up. I took full accountability and did my best to show her I do care for her little seven year old and thanked her for sharing this with me because now I get to do better. The waves… I felt the waves of emotions within me. The judgmental thoughts that started to tell me ‘How could you do this?’ ‘What's wrong with you?’ ‘No one will trust you again’... you know the spiel. Click here to read full article on how this big mistake helped connect me to my intuition.  I used to hold your hand so tight
When the waves would hit our feet And now I see the space that time Has made between you and me You no longer need my hand You stand tall and strong Water knee deep. Your back to me You are Curious. Enthralled The space between us will only grow As I learn to let go And you yearn to see more One day you will make a boat And sail far away While I watch from ashore As bittersweet tears warm my face Until that day when I will no longer feel far away Because at that moment I won’t be standing here I will be the ocean in which you sail  2021 (and 2020) has connected me to nature in a deeper way than ever before. Here are some things I have learned about the human experience through the incredible wisdom of Mother Nature.
Changing seasons show us that…
The season of Autumn shows us that…
Animals who hibernate show us that…
Animals who can camouflage show us that…
Trees that last 100s of years show us that…
Birds that pollinate show us that…
Metamorphosis shows us that…
Caterpillar’s chrysalis show us that…
… and it goes on and on and on. May you have a soul-enlightening and connecting-the-dots kind of new year ahead.  Patterns you react to most strongly in others and misperceive as their identity tend to be the same patterns that are also in you, but you are unable or unwilling to detect within yourself…
Anything that you resent and strongly react to in others is also in you. But it is no more than a form of ego... it is completely impersonal. It has nothing to do with who that person is, nor has it anything to do with who you are. ~ Eckart Tolle's A New Earth The path of true consciousness requires us to really understand our egos, not just yours or mine, but the collective ego of humanity. And in my opinion, the hard work is set out for us with our kiddos. Because they test us. They trigger us. They challenge us. And they will continue to challenge us until we are able to step aside and realize their egos are not who they are. Just like our egos are not who we are. And when we can really internalize this truth, then we can see our situations simply as events. Not emotions. Not reactions. JUST events. A year ago, I was triggered by my five year old… Something horrible happened
I am calm I process I say my truth I set a limit Time passes The limit gone My voice forgotten Why am I not heard? Do I need to be loud? Angry? Why can’t you hear The pain in my calm? Dose the strength of my calm Weaken the story of my pain? I feel Resentment finding a place to live within It’s time Assertiveness stops feeling like a guest So my Calm cannot be confused again I had been working with my five year old on emotional intelligence tools for years now. We have read a ton of kids books on feelings. We have a calming corner for her to reference tools to help her shift her moods. I model it for her by narrating what I am doing internally to regulate my emotions. You name it and we have probably done it.
Yet, if there is one emotion she struggles to regulate the most, it is anger. She is in a primitive reactionary state and literally cannot hear me when she is angry. I tried to focus on just one strategy... deep breaths. But she refused to take deep breaths in the midst of her roaring anger. That is until, I created this story for her. Next to modeling, stories are perhaps the most powerful tool we can offer our kids to learn the big ideas in life.
When do you listen best? When someone tells you what you should do? Or when someone shares an experience (or story) with you? Exactly! Stories is the way to go! That’s why I am so passionate about them. Through stories we activate the creative side of the brain, the home to our imaginations. Stephen Spitalmy in his excerpt on…  I attended a phenomenal mental health workshop in which Daniel Siegel shared the above knowledge bomb.
I have often felt this way but to hear it being backed up by science and clinical studies just sealed the deal for me. Dr Siegel shares that if you don't make sense of your life, then you are likely to pass on non-secure attachment to the next generation. What does this look like? It’s when you yell at your child and you show that you have made sense of your triggers (or past) by saying, “I yell when you don’t listen to me because when I was a kid, my mom did the same thing. But that’s not right. I want to be better. Next time I raise my voice, can you remind me to speak to you with respect? I promise I won’t get mad when you say that.” Or… “ I am sorry I made you feel like you are not good enough just because you didn’t get an A on your test. When I was younger, I felt like I had to get As so I can be liked and admired. But that’s not right. You are extraordinary just the way you are. And all that matters is that you work hard and do YOUR best. Please help me remember this next time I forget.” You don’t need to feel overwhelmed about this though. You just need to start. Here’s an extremely simple example. Next time you are with your kids and you struggle to be completely PRESENT - as in not thinking about what you have to do next, or having a bunch of mind clutter, judgmental thoughts, anxiety, etc. - NOTICE IT. Be aware of your internal world. Look at your inability to be present straight in the eye. Boom! You are awake now and the rest will flow… because when you start to ask the what, why and how questions of your internal world, you will uncover things about your life and past that will not only create a better version of you but also transform the generations of souls that come through you. So, do take the time to reflect and make sense of your past when the time is right, that’s the ONLY way to avoid passing it forward.  I just held your tiny hands
And we started to dance I looked into your deep dark eyes And I saw our lives fly in a flash You a grown man My hair gray I felt it all pour through me Tears of Thanks For all the people And all the reasons I can have this moment Holding your tiny hands In this precious dance  Being aware of the source behind what we say is not only powerful for our own consciousness but also for our kids.
One wonderfully easy way to alleviate any power struggles with your little one is by sharing the source of your directive. Sometimes we say things because we have to. But sometimes we say them because we heard that directive from deep within us... you may call it your gut, a feeling, your heart, or even God. Say that out loud! "I just got a feeling that..." "My gut just said..." And boom! Your inner muscles are getting stronger. AND your kids now get to learn how to connect with the ultimate power house - the POWERFUL VOICE OF TRUTH from within them. |
